Some months more than others, my Trader Joe’s receipt rivals the length of the ones I get at CVS. This month, that sucker was snaking its way all the way down to my knees. Mostly, it was filled with new products I spotted, snatched, and slam-dunked right into my cart to taste-test.
In fact, a special copilot helped me navigate my cart this month, none other than my very own mom, a current Trader Joe’s employee with her own special intel (yup, we used to work together!). She was very confused by my taste-test protocol (I resemble Gus Gus from Cinderella, taking lots of little bites before moving on to the next item), but she got used to it and joined in with her own very strong opinions.
Of course, not everything can be a winner. I tried 21 new products in total to shake out what was well worth cramming into your beach bag as well as a few items you might want to leave on the shelf.
1. All the Things Cookies, $4.49 for 9 ounces
One of my highest marks for any grocery item is that it simply tastes like it was homemade by someone who loves you. In the case of the All the Things Cookies, it would seem that Trader Joe’s loves us all so very much. These cookies are not only adorably irregularly shaped (adding to the whole handmade-love thing), they also contain pretty much All the Best, Most-Delicious Things Ever.
I’m talking puffy rice, cornflakes, pretzels, marshmallows, and chocolate chips. Those of us who wave the Team Crunchy Cookie flag will feel SO seen with these crackly, crispy cookies that have a buttered toffee-esque crumb to them. Give the Pulitzer Prize Award in Naming (I made this up) to whoever came up with the title for these aptly named cookies, immediately!
2. Vanilla Cold Foam Creamer, $4.99 for 15 ounces
True Story: I cannot keep whipped cream in my apartment for more than a day, purely because I think it is the world’s most perfect food. It just magically disappears or something? Jury’s out. Well, Trader Joe’s new Vanilla Cold Foam Creamer, which comes easily dispensable in a whipped cream canister, met a similar fate.
Chances are, you mostly order cold brew just for the creamy, frothy cream tops, right? This fluffy creamer helps you skip the drive-through and get right to the good part. An edible vanilla-flavored cloud, it’s lightly sweetened and ready to turn any of your favorite drinks into a treat.
I’ve been putting it on my daily two shots of espresso for a homemade espresso con panna, and I’m most excited to see how this fares on a frozen hot chocolate, strawberry shortcake, or atop Thai iced coffee.
3. Deli Sandwich Potato Chips, $2.99 for 7 ounces
I’m no longer surprised by Trader Joe’s mastery of the potato chip. It’s taken Thanksgiving stuffing, a jar of pickles, blue cheese, and completely boggled (and delighted!) my brain with its kettle-cooked, potato-y simulacrums. The latest and greatest is these Deli Sandwich Potato Chips that basically took a meaty, vinegary Cuban sandwich (ham, cheese, mustard, pickle and all) and miniaturized it.
Grab a handful and you’ll get equal parts smoky, vinegary, cheesy, and a little bit of kick, a full sandwich experience in an admittedly smaller mouthful. Do what’s most natural and unite these sandwich-inspired chips between the bread on your next sandwich.
4. Hot Honey Popcorn, $2.99 for 7 ounces
I must admit I have hot honey fatigue. My main symptom is wondering whether or not we need it to be in seemingly everything these days? That was before I met the new Hot Honey Popcorn at Trader Joe’s and realized that popcorn absolutely deserves a coating of this liquid gold.
This popcorn is a literal slow-burn. First, you’ll get lured in with the kettle-corn crackly coated kernels and a few seconds later the heat sneaks up like a cat at your ankle. I’d say the heat index here is a “burns so good” level. The spice stays on your tongue rather than kicking you in the back of the throat, and it’s mellow enough to keep you wanting just one more sweet bite.
5. Crustless Peanut Butter & Strawberry Jam Sandwiches, $3.79 for 8.89 ounces
Much like the National Football League (NFL), I’ve eaten likely thousands of Uncrustables. That number hit a steep drop-off once I spent most of my grocery hours at Trader Joe’s, but now that the grocer’s come out with its own crustless PB&Js, I can really reach my full potential! Let me say, these crustless peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are really perfecting on the art form.
No phoning it in here! These soft little bread pockets are loaded with a thick dollop of peanut butter, and the strawberry jam is sweet-tart to cut through the richness of the PB, yet still stand on its own. Did I wait until these were fully thawed before biting in? No, and I never have. Am I already getting close to a Denver Broncos’ amount of weekly PB&J consumption? Yes, and I always was.
And 2 to Skip:
1. Crunchy Sesame Sunflower Seeds Pepitas Salsa Macha, $4.49 for 6 ounces
This salsa macha is a perfect example of a truth that I call, “saying you’re something doesn’t mean you are.” In this case, this jar of oil and seeds that’s trying to parade as a salsa macha but is hardly even close to a savory, spicy, crunchy salsa macha. The staple in Mexican cuisine is reminiscent in texture to a great chili crisp, in that there are spices and herbs added to infuse the oil; It’s ideal for drizzling over eggs, into burritos, and all over a hot dog.
But this? This is really just some seeds in some oil. I detected so little spice, very little savory garlic, and really just a chunky collection of seeds that felt like proto-nut butter. Bummer!
2. Tropical Dragonfruit Drink Concentrate, $3.99 for 16 fluid ounces
I gravitated towards this bright pink beacon of a drink like a moth to a light. I live for a fun beverage, especially in the summer when my ol’ Big Dumb Cup is full of any manner of icy, refreshing drinks. This Tropical Dragonfruit Drink Concentrate is the opposite and, dare I say, a bit bland.
First off, where is the dragonfruit flavor? While we’re at it, where’s the passionfruit flavor? All in all, it really just tasted like fruit punch, which isn’t in itself bad, but not what the label suggests. I really hope this drink concentrate can figure itself out, because I think it’d be beautiful in a popsicle, mixed with seltzer, or in a cocktail.
Which new Trader Joe’s item are you most excited about? Tell us about it in the comments below.
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